It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There's always time for handjobs
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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