Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
