My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
