My sheets look like a crime scene.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
