Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
