Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
