You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
