I want to make a zoo with you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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