Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
pray to the hookup gods
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
