Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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