So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
