i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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