I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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