I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
