everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
