I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
