My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
