it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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