try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
