The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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