Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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