Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
