Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
