ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
