so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is my gift to your gina
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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