I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
