Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
