Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In other news, I just burned my penis
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
