A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
