I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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