I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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