i would punch a child for taco bell
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
