Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
