Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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