Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
