dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
