I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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