I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
