well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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