youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
