Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
