God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
