I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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