In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
