I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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