I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
