So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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