i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
