so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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