Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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