do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
