for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
