I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
